I'm summer sick!!!!

Ugh, ya'll.  I really reeeeeeeally do NOT like being sick in the summer.  Granted, no time is a good time for illness.  But when it is hot outside and you feel like your death bed is around the corner....it's just so uncool.  {that what she said}

I am thinking if someone could bring this tiny piece of paradise to me, I would probably start feeling much better.  Any takers?

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I am at this point.

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And this will be me as soon as I can get off work and get home.  A hot bath is calling my name.

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Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

~ Khalil Gibran

Meli Monday - update on my pops

Instead of my normal, semi-not-regular Manic Monday posts, I decided to do a Meli Monday post to update on my daddy.

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His surgery was postponed last month because he developed kidney stones and an infection that he had to get rid of prior to surgery.  He passed the kidney stones, which are mind numbing-ly painful. He just finished up his antibiotics.  Tomorrow is surgery day. 

I really wanted to be with my mom while he was in surgery but I took off two days last month to be with them only for the surgery to get cancelled last minute.  And now....here I sit at work.  Work being insanely insane.  I cannot be with her...

...and that is killing me. 

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Comfort.  Comfort for me, holding her hand.  Comfort for her.  Holding my hand.  Why is life so tough?  I know I will beat myself on a regular basis for not being there.....

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Can you spare a prayer?  Good thoughts?  Light and love?  

Manic Monday - 01.14.13

Without a family, man, alone in the world, 

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trembles with the cold. 

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~ Andre Maurois 

My daddy is having an angiogram this morning.  Lots of prayers going his way would be greatly appreciated.  In other news, there are some changes a happening on the work front.  And it is alllllll good.  Here's to always expecting the unexpected!!!  

my Honey...my warrior

Warrior: Honey

I see a true warrior as someone who strives to be the best they can be at all things.  A warrior is someone who lives to a strict code of honor and lives life to the fullest in full awareness and without fear of the unpredictable nature of life and of the constant presence of death.  Death is not to be seen as something to be feared but only another part of the journey and therefore as with all things it is to be faced with honor. 

May You Rest In Peace 

Sunrise: 10~31~1920

Sunset: 10~11~2012

To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one.  It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives.  Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man.  We make ourselves into one or the other. 

~ Carlos Castaneda

my migraine aura

I had an frightening experience yesterday when all of the sudden my right eye had a very bright white light appear in the center part of my vision.

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I couldn't see anything clearly.  The light in my eye looked something like this....and it was blinding.  And I was getting dizzy.

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All I could do is close my eyes.  Lay my head down.  But I was still freaking out a bit.  I didn't know what was happening. 

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I have experienced migraine headaches since I was a kid, unfortunately.  They are debilitating.  So painful and cruel.  But never have I experienced a migraine aura.   

A migraine with aura comes with additional symptoms, which often begin about 30 minutes or less before the headache. These early symptoms are called a prodrome.The prodrome or aura may last for five to 20 minutes, or it may continue even after the headache subsides. Symptoms of aura include:

• blind spots or scotomas
• blindness in half of your visual field in one or both eyes (hemianopsia)
• seeing zigzag patterns (fortification)
• seeing flashing lights (scintilla)
• feeling prickling skin (paresthesia)
• weakness
• seeing things that aren't really there (hallucinations)

This aura in my eye lasted about 10 minutes and then started floating off to the right side of my field of vision.  It then hit me that....maybe this is a migraine coming on and not something wrong with my vision.  I had heard about migraine auras before, but like I said, never experienced one.

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Sure enough I google'd it.  Auras happen for about 10 - 30 minutes before a migraine hits.  While I am reading this....hear comes the headache.  

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I don't think I mentioned, my thyroid is low again too.  Medication for that now.  

What they say is true.  Once you hit 30....it's all down hill from there.  I'm falling apart.  

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

Here I am again.  With so much that has happened.  While I doubt I have "readers" anymore...I am still documenting my life for me.  And for Layla.  And for those that do love me to look back on...

So here goes!

We've had a lot of good-bye's in the last few weeks.  Her first and only school from 3 months on....

That was a bitter sweet, SAD, good-bye.  I just knew I would cry through all of this.  But, I was stronger than I realized.  

Layla is just like her momma.  She puts up a strong front while saying good-bye to all her friends and teachers, but as soon as we got to a "safe place" - the tears began.  I was backing out of the parking lot, and she muttered, "I am probably really gonna miss this school."  And bring on the waterworks.  The snot.  She was a mess.  I felt so sad for her, but reassured her she would love her new school just as much!

But, I gave her a hug.  Told it was okay to miss them and we would come back and visit.  I handed her a tissue to wipe the tears and snot and told her to touch up her make-up.  lol!  And all was well in the world again.

Then it was off to meet the teacher....and even though Layla said, "I am scared!"  Why?  "Because I don't know how to study!"  #sheisariot

She loves her new teacher and handled her first day, first week of school like a champ!  Such a relief for this momma.  :)  

And even though she is making new friends, "but can't remember their names."  Apparently she is good at remembering who you are when you are not nice.  She told us on Wednesday, "Isaiah Buck called me a baby.  And I told him, 'I am NOT a baby!'"  #mygirl  

In other news....my warrior of a grandma is still hanging tough.  It's what we do.

Happy Labor Day to you all!

Manic Monday - 07.30.12

When glory comes,

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loss of memory follows.

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~ French Proverb

My sweet Honey is in a new home.  It is a beautiful and peaceful home.  Honey's body has done all it can do.  Its life has been lived well.  But it has reached its peak.  However, that fighting spirit and soul she bears has its own say....God Speed Honey.  It's okay.  You can go to the light.....I promise, we will be okay.

young and old, happy and sad

Young:  Layla celebrating her 5th birthday in T minus 8 days.

Old:  Helping my mom celebrate her 63rd birthday tomorrow.  And my older sisters a day before Layla's. 

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Young:  Layla's spunky spirit, personality and body.

Old:  What my body feels like.

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Young:  Layla

Old: Honey, my grandma.  Layla's great grandma. 

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Happy:  Layla growing into a beautiful young lady.

Sad:  Layla starting Kindergarten in exactly one month and me having to say good bye to our commute rides together Monday - Friday.

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Happy:  Honey living a long and happy life. 

Sad:  Knowing that I will have to say good bye to that life soon.  

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Happy:  hello!

Sad: good bye!

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Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting {young and happy} and of farewell. {old and sad}

~ Jean Paul Richter

...here we go again...

Actually, it is the same old routine.  Work is crazy busy.  Life is hectic and expensive planning a fabulous FIVE year old birthday party.  My grandma is withering away, and I just wish for peace for her.  My mom's birthday is on Saturday.  Layla's a week away from that.  My pain never ends and I am....

....just TIRED. 

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slacking and lacking....but now it's time for super DOOPER sunshine!!!

Yes, yes I know....if anyone is still reading here, I am honestly amazed.  To say that I have been slacking in the blogging arena, is a pretty gross understatement.  And lacking in visting my favorite blogs and leaving comments like I usually do.  No good excuse there.  I, myself, am just lacking. 

But, Super Sunshine Summer has kicked me in the arse and got me back to writing.  Even if it isn't anything that interests you much....I am back!

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Me!?!  I feel okay.  I still struggle daily with physical pain.  But, I push through and try to enjoy life as much as I can.  No one is promised tomorrow.  And Summer helps me remember, we are in charge of our own attitude in life.  We can sulk.  Or we can SHINE!  I CHOOSE TO SHINE!!!!

Summer shines in an unbelievable way.  The disease she is fighting would bring most to their knees.  Make most stop a lot of things they do.  Not her, she pushes through.  And through it all, she comes up with the SUNSHINE PROJECT, which I am taking part in for the first time.  Summer....this one is for you! 

Join in and link up!  Basically, you post a picture, a story, anything that brings SUNSHINE to your world.  I can do that. 

And I will start with a silly little word and phrase that my almost FIVE year old said to me the other night right before bed.  Ya'll will most definitely not thinking it is as funny as we did...but it is something I never want to forget and since my Lindsay said, "you need to blog that, for real!" I will!!! 

Layla:  "Mommy?"

Mommy:  "Yes, baby girl...."

Layla:  "WHEN I WAS TWO, I POOPED IN MY DOOPER!"

Us:  *Bust.Out.Laughing!!!!!*

{we giggle alot!}

{Naturally Beautiful shirt via Cotton Laundry which also brings the sunshine!}

Girlfriend, meant to say diaper, but got tongue tied and DOOPER came out!  One of our favorite sayings now.  SUNSHINE!!!

We recently returned from a week long trip to Oklahoma for Layla to visit her SEVEN cousins and for Richard to see his brother and sister.  SUNSHINE!!!

I will post in more detail about that later, because BOY! there is alot to say...and lots of kids, so I will space that one out.  But I did snag a few heart warming pictures that scream SUNSHINE!!

On our way back to Houston I needed to stop and visit with my Honey in San Antonio.  Life is precious, and this sweet soul is slowly withering away.  It breaks my heart. I wish life wasn't cruel like that, but I can always count on her to....bring the SUNSHINE!!!!!

Have a sunshine-y weekend.  Hope to see you 'round these here parts a lil more often.  Cheers!

what is a grandma?

By definition:  grand·moth·er (n.)

1. The mother of one's father or mother.

2. A female ancestor.

But, honestly, mine is so much more than that to me.  And right now...she's not doing so well.  And my thoughts are only with her...and how I need to go be with her.  Unfortunately, she wouldn't know I was there.  She is in a non-responsive state.  I think those "few good years left" are coming to an end.  But her love never will end.  She has a piece of my heart and always, always will. 

What is a Grandma by Barbara Cage

A grandma is warm hugs and sweet memories.

She remembers all of your accomplishments and forgets all of your mistakes. She is someone you can tell your secrets and worries to, and she hopes and prays that all your dreams come true.

She always loves you, no matter what. She can see past temper tantrums and bad moods, and makes it clear that they don't affect how precious you are to her.

She is an encouraging word and a tender touch. She is full of proud smiles.

She is the one person in the world who loves you with all her heart, who remembers the child you were and cherishes the person you've become.

My sweet Honey.  Your Miss Melis needs you to hang in there just a lil bit longer.  I know you are tired.  I am tired of seeing you hurt.  Seeing you struggle.  Mom has done so much for you, and I know she is tired of this pain too.  But, I need that one last hug.  That one last kiss.  That one last "So, Miss Melis, what's new in your world!?"  And I know Layla wants to see her "Honey Bunny" too....

We love you with our whole being.  And I can smile knowing you know this!!!!  There is a sense of peace in my heart because of that.  You are 91, Honey!  What a magnificent life!?! 

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.

~ Buddha

That one word is HONEY, to me.

I'm hanging in there...and still smiling.

I am still having a rough go of it.  It, being life. 

One thing I know for sure is that it can always be worse.  So I am not throwing a pity party for myself....I'm just not very enthusiastic.  So while I have a lot to post about...because life does go on.  {Thanks for that lesson, ma.}  I hurt a lot.  And I still dream so vividly it's draining. 

But everyday I put my smile on anyway. 

Hope you all are well.